How to Talk to a Narcissist


NEW!!  How to Talk to a Narcissist In this edition of her groundbreaking book, Dr. Joan Lachkar addresses the ever-changing faces and phases of narcissism within the context of marital therapy and discusses the new developments in the treatment of marital conflict. Drawing from many different theoretical frameworks, mainly self-psychology (Kohut) and object relations (Klein), the works of D.W, Winnicott, and Kernberg are expanded to further explain why couples stay in painful, conflictual, never-ending relationships (traumatic bonding). The new chapters, case illustrations, and updated treatment sequences are invaluable to both beginning and experienced clinicians.

How to Talk to a Narcissist is an essential text for every marital therapist, offering an improved understanding of marital pathology within the framework of our changing world.

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Joan Lachkar, Ph.D.

Joan Lachkar, Ph.D. is a licensed therapist, trained mediator, psychotherapist, communication skills specialist, certified school teacher and published author on marital therapy, who offers expert and professional guidance, counseling and coaching for individuals, couples, families, and companies. Her practice includes an ongoing supervision group to help mental health professionals, mediators, lawyers and other professionals to deal with difficult patients and clients. Joan Lachkar also offers on-line and e-mail counseling and therapy for individuals, couples and mental health professionals.


Click here to view Joan Lachkar's YouTube video.


Call (818) 290-3390 or (310) 413-9503 or email Joan Lachkar, Ph.D. using our Email Form.



.. Joan's Book NEWS:

In Progress: Courts Beware



Common Complaints in Couple Therapy: New Approaches to Treating MaritalConflict, May 2014. Read more

The Narcissistic / Borderline Couple: New Approaches to Marital Therapy, (second edition), hardcover, Taylor and Francis, 2004. Recipient of's Five Star Rating

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The Narcissistic / Borderline Couple: A Psychoanalytic Perspective on Marital Treatment (first edition), Brunner / Mazel, New York, 1992, 244 pages. Recipient of's Five Star Rating

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How to Talk to a Narcissist, Second Edition, Routledge Mental Health – Taylor & Francis Group, 2008; available in hard back and e-book.

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How to Talk to a Narcissist, First Edition, Routledge, 2007

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How to Talk to a Borderline. Routledge, 2010, hardback. ISBN 978-0-415-87649-0. For information, please email: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it./">This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it./

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The Disappearing Male, Lexington Books - The Rowman & Littlefield Publishing Group, New York, December 2012. ISBN 978-0-7657-0909-7 (Hardback). 

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The Many Faces of Abuse: Treating the Emotional Abuse of High-Functioning Women, Jason Aronson (now Roman and Littlefield Publishers), New York, 1998

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The V-Spot: Healing Your Vulnerable Spot from Emotional Abuse.  Jason Aronson, New York, 2008, hardcover. 

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Joan Lachkar Ph.D. contributes to many journals and books in the mental health field as well as consumer publications. Her books, and her papers submitted to international conferences, have been quoted in articles and books by other professionals.

FrontPage Magazine .. .. Jihad and Sacred Vengeance .. .. The Rand Corporation .. Int'l Psychohistorical Assn .. Primal Psychotherapy Page .. Journal of Psychohistory .. O Magazine .. Int'l Journal of Family Psychiatry .. Redbook Magazine .. Journal of Emotional Abuse .. The California Therapist .. Conferences worldwide

Check out the complete, detailed list of publications and articles by Joan Lachkar, Ph.D.

Articles and presentations by Joan Lachkar, Ph.D.

Books by Joan Lachkar, Ph.D.


There's a wealth of great information here at Joan Lachkar's website. Consider:

Definitions - Learn the definitions of those strange words and phrases really mean

Links - Check out the websites of helpful organizations

Psychohistory - Just what is "psychohistory"?

Psychotherapy - What is "psychotherapy"?


Contact Joan Lachkar Ph.D. for a PERSONAL CONSULTING SESSION, in person or by phone. All major credit cards accepted. See more details.

NEW ARTICLE BY JOAN LACHKAR!!  Courts - Beware of the Borderline Personality: Implications for Mediation. Therapists and legal officials are continually perplexed as to why people continue to battle without ever reaching conflict resolution. On the surface couple problems seem to revolve around children, sex, money, commitment, work, outside intrusions (ex-spouses, in-laws, friends, sports, pets, hobbies). But the underlying issues are more about control, domination, envy, jealousy, shame guilt, submission, victimization, and oedipal rivals. Read Courts Beware article.

Joan Lachkar Narcissism Workshop, parts I and II, were made available live and online, direct from the 2015 Annual Conference of California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. Get more information about CAMFT.




NEW: Common Complaints in Couple Therapy: New Approaches to Treating Marital Conflict


The Disappearing Male by Joan Lachkar, Ph.D. addressing eight types of men who disappear from love relationships without explanation. Find out more


WORKSHOPS: Half-day Workshops - Please check with us for details


Among the many books by Joan Lachkar: The Disappearing Male, How to Talk to a Borderline, The "V" Spot, The Narcissistic / Borderline Couple, and more. Stay tuned and check back. Visit our Books section for more details and how to order.


  • How to Talk to a Borderline

    How-to-Talk-to-a-Borderline-125 thumbJoan Lachkar expands current BPD understanding by outlining eight different kinds of borderline personality disorders and how each requires specific communication techniques and methods. Case examples describe the kinds of partners borderlines attract.

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