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 How to Talk to a Narcissist.
In this second edition of her groundbreaking book, Dr. Joan Lachkar
addresses the ever-changing faces and phases of narcissism within the
context of marital therapy and discusses the new developments in the
treatment of marital conflict. Drawing from many different theoretical
frameworks, mainly self-psychology (Kohut) and object relations (Klein), the
works of D.W, Winnicott, and Kernberg are expanded to further explain why
couples stay in painful, conflictual, never-ending relationships (traumatic
bonding). The new chapters, case illustrations, and updated treatment
sequences are invaluable to both beginning and experienced clinicians.
How to Talk to a Narcissist is an essential text for
every marital therapist, offering an improved understanding of marital
pathology within the framework of our changing world.
Read more about How to Talk to a Narcissist.
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 The Narcissistic / Borderline Couple: New Approaches to Marital Therapy,
Second Edition, Taylor and Francis, 2004.
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Book Info
The text of this book focuses on the pain and trauma
occurring between couples, especially within the dyad of narcissistic and
borderline relationships. Presents models for working with these couples
with case examples demonstrating how integrating object relations theory
and self-psychology prove to be successful treatments.
Book Description
In this second edition to her groundbreaking book,
Joan Lachkar ventures to go beyond narcissistic and borderline couples to
a mélange of many other dyadic configurations. Updated to incorporate new
literature and developments in the field of marital conflict that have
taken place since the publication of the first edition, this book
addresses the ever-changing faces and phases of narcissism within the
context of marital treatment. Drawing from many different theoretical
frameworks, mainly self-psychology (Kohut) and object relations (Klein),
the works of D.W, Winnicott, and Kernberg are expanded to further explain
why couples stay in painful, conflictual, never-ending relationships
(traumatic bonding). An essential text for every clinician doing marital
therapy, The Narcissistic / Borderline Couple offers an improved
understanding of marital pathology within the framework of our changing
world.
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 The Narcissistic / Borderline Couple: A Psychoanalytic Perspective on
Marital Treatment, Brunner / Mazel, New York, 1992, 244 pages.
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Book Info
Theoretical examination of marital therapy of the narcissistic / borderline
couple. Examines the couple's behavioral patterns and outlines a six-point
systematic treatment procedure.
Book Description
This volume explores how partners form a parasitic bond and play out a drama
of earlier conflictual experiences, characterized by their painful, circular
patterns of behaviour. The complexities of these relationships and the
potential obstacles to effective intervention are also examined.
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BOOKS
IN PROGRESS:
Two in production:
Aggression and Cruelty in Cross-Cultural Couples and Analyst on the Couch
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 The Many Faces of Abuse: Treating the Emotional Abuse of High-Functioning Women, Jason Aronson (now Roman and Littlefield
Publishers), New York, 1998. Price: $50.00 /
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Defining Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse is defined as an on-going process and differs from
physical abuse in that one person psychologically, either consciously or
unconsciously, attempts to destroy the will, needs, desires or perceptions
of the other. Although emotional abuse has been inextricably linked to
physical abuse, it is viewed as a separate entity. The most salient feature
of emotional abuse is its insidious nature. Physical abuse is usually
cyclical and intermittent, whereas emotional abuse is often continuous and
omnipresent. Psychological abuse has been defined by as including verbal and
behavioral means to undermine someone's sense of self, resorting to such
tactics as ridiculing, shaming, blaming, criticizing, threatening and
neglecting the partner's emotional needs.
According to Loring (1994), there are two types of psychological abuse:
overt and covert. Overt abuse is openly demeaning and defacing (e.g., verbal
remarks, put-downs, constant criticisms), but covert abuse is more subtle,
hidden, but no less devastating. Until now, we have not had a clear
definition of what constitutes emotional abuse or therapeutic guidelines for
treating the distinct problems as it impacts on the high-functioning woman
who is verbally and psychologically mistreated.
Defining the High-Functioning Woman (Exposed)
Not every emotionally abused woman exhibits the same level of early
trauma or a proclivity toward developmental arrest. So I have divided into
two categories: (1) the "higher level" HFW and (2) the "lower level" HFW.
The level of functioning is in accord with the level of splitting or
regressive mechanisms ranging from the degrees of impulse control, acting
out, addictive or compulsive behaviors, capacity for reality testing, and
the structure and level of defense mechanisms.
The "higher level" HFW operates at a more advanced level of ego
functioning. She is AWARE that she is being abused, does not feel deserving
of it, has a resilient and intact ego and superego. She may not have been
exposed to early trauma, and reality does offer her relief. Her judgment is
not obscured or impaired. But because of her high functioning status she may
feel too shameful to admit she is being abused; when she does, she is either
ridiculed or not believed. Her external life often reveals a highly
motivated, energetic, well-educated, and career-oriented woman using many
creative capacities to achieve status and to become successful. In her work,
she may be decisive, comfortable with her autonomy, and extremely competent
in the fulfillment of her decisions and responsibilities, but in her
personal and family life, she may operate at many different levels of ego
functioning.
The Lower Level High-Functioning Woman (HFW)
The "lower level" HFW, theoretically operates at a more primitive level
of superego functioning, is characterized by many unresolved preoedipal
struggles, and dominated by such primitive defenses as splitting,
projection, projective identification, envy, shame/blame, magical thinking,
omnipotent denial, and persecutory anxieties. She has been exposed to
traumatic experiences, and reality testing DOES NOT offer relief. These
women often feel deserving of the abuse and imagine that everything is their
fault. "Is this really happening to me or am I imagining." These women have
often played the role of caretakers or parentified children, those forced in
early years to relinquish their childhood and to perform adult functions for
their parents or siblings. They are the "little adults," the mediators, the
children who grew up too early and much too soon (Lachkar, 1992, 1997,
1998).
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The
V-Spot: Healing Your Vulnerable Spot from Emotional Abuse. The
V-Spot is a term created to describe the most sensitive area of emotional
vulnerability that becomes aroused when one partner hits an emotional raw
spot in the other. The V Spot is designed to parallel the G-Spot, as the
emotional counterpart that can be triggered by a seemingly unimportant
event. The V-Spot is comprised of highly charged emotional sensitivities
that emanate from raw experiences during infancy and childhood. Getting in
contact with the V-Spot is the only way to break away from emotional abuse
and begin the healing process. Through Lachkar's book, clinicians and
therapists will become acquainted with the V-Spot and recognize the
importance of this volatile area of emotional vulnerability.